


Examine “Missing”

by smileyjunior



Series: Examine “The Killing” [3]
Category: The Killing
Genre: Character Study, Episodic Fic, Explicit Language, Murder Mystery, Mystery, filling in the blanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smileyjunior/pseuds/smileyjunior
Summary: Episode “Missing” including scenes you didn’t see and inside some of what was going on inside Sarah Linden’s head.
Series: Examine “The Killing” [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944211
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Examine “Missing”

Sarah Linden saw the giant emblem from where she stood on the ferry. Lit up, and connected to the “Wapi Eagle Casino” sign. The exact same emblem that Rosie Larsen had had on her keychain. Rosie has taken the Adela Ferry to the casino at 11:45 that fateful Friday night. The keychain was proof that Rosie had been there.

When the boat made landfall she went straight to the casino. Linden took an escalator down into the game room. The air was thick with the smell of smoke and sweat. When she got to the floor Sarah made her way down the aisles of slot machines. The sounds of coins jingling and bells ringing echoing around her. A woman she passed in a cheetah print coat smoking a cigarette looked as though she’d been there for a while if the ash tray was anything to go by. A man on the slot machine on the other side had an oxygen tank with him. Typical casino guests, gambling away their life.

She turned the corner and went down the aisle, only to see that symbol from Rosie’s key again, as a sign hanging from the ceiling. Right. This was why she came here. Time to get some answers. As she decided to take action she realized the only hiccup she might encounter was that she had been out running, not working. Which meant she didn’t have her badge. Hopefully the casino staff would still comply with her requests, without any issues.

“Excuse me,” she asked a dealer who stood behind a card table “I’m a detective with Seattle P.D. I need to speak to whoever’s in charge.”

The card dealer picked up a walkie talkie and spoke into it, muttering something she couldn’t here. Linden waited as a voice come through the talkie, the dealer holding it up to his ear listening.

“Wait by the bottom of the stairs, they’ll come to see you.” The dealer said.

“Thanks.” She replied.

Linden walked over to the stairs and moments later a woman wearing a blouse and tan jacket, her black hair in a bun came down the stairs and over to her. The woman wore a big smile, meant to be welcoming but Sarah knew that sort of smile. It was a buisness smile, a smile that was meant to portray innocence and nothing to hide. 99% of the time, the opposite was true.

“Detective. My name is Nicole Jackson, I head the Kulamish tribe, and I run the casino.” The woman said brightly, “Why don’t we go upstairs to my office? We can talk there without all the noise.”

Nicole turned and went back up the stairs, Linden following right behind her.

Sarah didn’t waste any time, “I’m investigating the homicide of Rosie Larsen, and I have reason to believe that she may have spent some time here.” The two women turned into Nicole’s office, adorned with tribal and cultural decor.

“I’m not sure what Rosie Larsen would be doing in a place like this.” Nicole said walking to her desk, “I don’t allow minors into my establishment, Detective...?”

“Linden.” Sarah provided. “Maybe she used a fake I.D. I’ll need to talk to all of your employees who were working that weekend.”

Another woman in a gray suit with straight black hair moved to stand in front of her. Her I.D. badge identified her as Roberta, head of security. “I was running the floor,” she said “and I didn’t see her.”

Here it comes, the stonewalling.

“Well, maybe somebody else did.” Linden said turning to Nicole. Perhaps she would be more willing to help.

Roberta huffed a laugh, “Doubt it. I was on the floor all Friday night.”

Linden paused, slowly she turned back to Roberta, feeling slightly triumphant at the slip. She gave the other woman a piercing look, “Did I say that Rosie Larsen was here on Friday?”

“We follow the news coverage,” Nicole said smiling, Linden turned to look at her. “Ms. Drays included.” She gestured to Roberta. “We know the girl went missing then.”

Linden respond with a close lipped smile that didn’t reach her eyes, she could feel their resistance, their unwillingness to cooperate. Something was definitely going on. “I noticed that you have security cameras on your floor.” She said, changing the subject for now. “I’d like to take a look at the footage.”

Nicole’s face expressed false apology, “Our tapes get erased every 24 hours, so, unfortunately, they won’t be of much use to you.”

Alright, fine. You want to play it that way? “Then I’ll start with your customers.”

Nicole took a moment, and looked down briefly “Detective...” she sat down in the chair behind her desk putting her hands together and leaning forward. She definitely had a power-complex. “I’m sure you’re aware, my customers don’t exactly welcome a police presence in their playground.”

Linden stepped closer to the desk, “Well, I can chat with them here, or I can drag them down, one by one to police headquarters. Which do you think they’d prefer?”

Nicole’s eyebrows raised, an arm went up to adjust the hair by her ear “I’m sure you’re also aware,” she sat back in her chair, almost relaxed, smiling. “that Wapi Eagle Casino sits on Indian land. As such... We’re not under city, state, or county jurisdiction.” Nicole put her hands flat onto her desk and stood up. “Now, unless you have a federal warrant... get the hell off my property.”

Linden felt Roberta move behind her, standing inches away from her. Linden turned to leave and saw that there was another rather large security personnel there as well, wearing an earpiece and a sport coat. With one last scathing look at Nicole Jackson, Linden left the office.

Roberta and sport coat escorted her all the way out of the building. Annoyed and angry, Sarah stormed out of the casino.

“Thanks. I’m sure you needed the backup.” Linden spat out looking back at them. She shook her head and began to pace grabbing her phone. She pressed the speed dial number she needed and waited, birds cawing in the nearby distance. Something had happened here, she was sure of it now. The staff, Nicole was hiding something and they needed to find out what. Rosie had come here, and she had blatantly lied about it.

The phone rang, “ _District Attorney’s office._ ”

“I need to talk to A.D.A. Bernstein. This is Detective Linden.”

“ _Can you hold?_ ”

Linden fought not to roll her eyes, willing herself to be patient, “Yes I’ll hold.” She stepped from foot to foot, not really going anywhere.

“ _Bernstein here._ ”

“Hey, Ronald, listen, what kind of search warrant do you have to file to get into an Indian Casino?”

“ _Indian Casino? That could take a week._ ”

Linden’s eyebrows shot up exasperated, “A week? You got to be kidding me.”

“ _The tribal courts in DC have to review and—_ ”

Linden had stopped listening. She had caught sight of the ATM outside of the casino, and walked towards it. “Hey... casinos don’t own the ATMs on their property, right? The banks or credit unions do.”

“ _...Yes that’s right._ ”

Linden was right in front of the ATM now, she peered at the top of it, looking at the security camera in the machine. “I’m gonna need a warrant... for Landsing Bank, for all the ATMs they operate at the Wapi Eagle Casino and Lodge.”

Bernstein sighed, “ _Alright. It could take up to 24 hours, but let me see what I can do._ ”

Linden closed the phone and looked back at the camera. _Got ya._ She should call Holder, let him know about the development. Opening her phone again, she dialed Holder.

“ _‘Sup Linden?_ ”

“I’m at the Wapi Eagle Resort and Lodge, it’s for the case. I have a lead.”

“ _What kind of lead?_ ”

“Rosie’s keychain, the bird emblem? It belongs to the casino. If we can get a warrant for the ATMs, we’ll be able to access their security cameras.” Holder didn’t say anything, and Sarah felt a flare of annoyance at his lack of response. “Are you coming or not?” She snapped.

Holder hesitated, “ _Alright I’m on my way._ ”

——

Linden hadn’t left the outside of the casino. She stayed pacing for about 45 minutes, a security guard had come out and watched her, standing in front of the entrance like a guard dog. No doubt sent by Nicole Jackson.

Finally Holder pulled up outside of the casino, Linden walked to the car and called over to him not wasting any time with pleasantries, “I clocked four ATMs inside. There are probably more. Cameras on them could have caught Rosie in the floor.”

“Yeah if she was taking out cash, right?” He looked over at the casino, “And if she was even here that night.” He put his hands in his jacket pocket.

Linden looked over the water, “Rosie took the last boat in Friday night—11:45 ferry.” She looked at Holder spitting out her words, she knew she was right about this. Rosie had been here. “No ferries after that. No way to get back off the island.”

“Yeah but we got not time of death. So she could’ve come back to the city on the ferry the next day.” His resistance was frustrating, but not unfounded. He could be right, he was learning to work and think like a homicide cop. But that’s why he had a partner—to bounce theories off of. And to investigate those theories.

“Unless she met her killer here. We didn’t find the burner phone or the backpack on the body, right?”

Holder sat on the hood of his car. “So the perp’s got ‘em or they’re still out there somewhere.” He said crossing his arms.

“Or they’re inside.” Linden said, the wind blowing wild of her hair in her face. Holder stood up, Linden sounded insistent using her hand to emphasize her point, “We know that she came here. She had that—that keychain with the bird emblem, right? Then there’s all of her missing time at night and after school.” She shook her head and put her hand in her jacket pocket. “It’s got something to do with this place.”

“And the casino owner ain’t sharing?”

Linden couldn’t stay still, “No, she and her human pitbull are circling the wagons. Plus she heads up the Kulamish Tribe, which owns all of these lands so there’s no need.”

Her phone rang, quickly she answered “Bernstein? Yeah, I’ll hold.” She started to move again, “We’re not waiting to go in there. Indian tribal courts in DC has got to review it first. So it could take up to a week.”

“How long we gotta wait for the bank warrant?”

“Bernstein said it could take at least 24 hours but he’s hoping for better.” Linden saw Holder checked his phone, and turned around. “What?” She pulled the phone away from her ear, “You got somewhere to be?”

“No. Why?”

“‘Cause if you do I’ve got this covered.” She said matter of factly. She didn’t have time for his bullshit if he was going to pull any. Why had he come here if that’s what he was going to do?

“I’m here, ain’t I?” Holder said exasperated. Linden put the phone back to her ear, “Damn, is there one or two days a month you’re not PMS’ing?”

Linden walked away, pressing the phone to her ear harder than necessary. Suddenly her phone beeped to indicate there was a call waiting. She pulled the phone away so she could look at the caller; it was Jack’s school. Almost reluctantly, she ended the call to the DA’s office and got on the other line.

“Linden.”

“ _This is the staff at Waverly Middle School, am I speaking to Sarah Linden?_ ”

“Yes this is she.” The last time the school called he’d been caught smoking. What the hell had her kid done this time?

“ _We’re calling because Jack Linden hasn’t been at school in three days, including today._ ”

“What?” Sarah had not been expecting that. Three days?

“ _Jack Linden has not been at school for the past three days. If he’s been sick his absences will be excused with a doctor’s note. If not, they will remain on his record. We have a very strict attendance policy in place._ ”

Linden walked to the car and opened the door, “Yeah. Okay. Thanks.” she closed her phone as she sat down and closed the door. “Let’s head back.” She put on her seatbelt. What the hell was her kid playing at?

“That the DA?” Holder asked.

Linden looked at him briefly, thinking for a moment if she was comfortable enough to share this information with him. “It was Jack’s school. He didn’t show up this morning.” Apparently, she was. She paused for a moment, “He hasn’t been at school in the last three days.” she could sense Holder staring at her, and motioned for him to move. They drove away.

They didn’t talk much as the drove back to the ferry. Linden’s was too busy thinking. Sometimes she forgot how much she and Jack were alike. When she was his age, she had not been a good kid, and she had done a lot worse than skipping school. Things she wasn’t proud of and would rather forget she had done. Skipping school yes, but also pot, boys, some petty thievery...just an overall teenage nuisance. Sarah hadn’t wanted that for Jack though. She had hoped his life would be better, had tried to make sure his life would be better. Oho they were going to have a talk when she got her hands on him. When they were on the ferry and started sailing, a light drizzle began to fall from the sky. They had stayed in the car, Linden hadn’t even bothered to get out so Holder hadn’t either. He turned to her.

“Lil’ man skip school a lot?”

Linden popped a piece of gum into her mouth, “When we get back you should head to the courthouse.” she said ignoring his question. “You can sit on Bernstein, to get the warrant quicker.”

Holder nodded and looked away, getting the drift. She didn’t want to talk. He checked his phone a couple of times throughout the rest of the boat ride, Linden had seen it in the corner of her eye. By the time they docked, the light drizzle had become a pouring rain. Holder started to drive in the direction of Regi’s.

“Uh, no.” Linden said stopping him before he got too far. “No, just make a left here I’ll give you directions.”

“Aight,” said Holder putting on his turn signal. “Guide me Sacajawea.”

Linden fought hard not to roll her eyes and gave him the directions. In 15 minutes Holder pulled into the parking lot of the motel,

“Park yourself at the courthouse. I’ll let Oakes know about the casino.” Linden undid her seatbelt and opened the door.

“What happened to the boat?” Holder asked looking at the motel.

Linden looked at him, she was not going to have this conversation with him. “I’ll meet you there.”

She started to get out when Holder said, “Hey, go easy on the kid. I mean, look at this dump. No wonder he went AWOL.”

Linden looked at him, not quite glaring. Holder didn’t know anything about her or her son, and he had no right to judge how they lived. She got out of the car and shut the door behind her running through the rain straight into the motel and heading for their room. She took out her phone and dialed Jack’s number. She could hear his hip-hop ringtone from the hallway coming through the door of their room. Annoyed, she put her own phone down she opened the room door roughly.

“Nice try, Jack.” She said snappishly, expecting to find him watching tv and eating junk food on the bed.

Except he wasn’t inside. Linden checked the bathroom, the kitchenette, and he wasn’t there either. She found his phone and key underneath an old slice of pizza from a gas station. Taking his phone a hint of panic started to fester in her chest. She stood in the room, thinking for a moment about where he could be. Then she realized, he’d probably gone to Regi’s. He hadn’t wanted to leave the boat so he went back. Yes, she’d find him there.

Linden ran out of the motel back into the rain, prepared to run down to the marina when she heard the horn of a car. It was Holder. He hadn’t left. Why was he still there? He should be at the courthouse sitting on Bernstein, they needed that warrant!

“What happened?” He called rolling down his window.

“I told you to go to the courthouse!” She called back, having to shout because of the heavy downpour.

“What did Jack say?”

She didn’t answer at first. He was supposed to have left. But he was here... and she wasn’t going to lie. “He’s not there.”

Holder stared at her. His expression unreadable in the moment. Maybe concern? “Get in, Linden. It’s raining.”

She didn’t want his concern. She didn’t need it. “He’s probably just at Regi’s at the marina.”

“And you ain’t takin’ a bus there. Get in already.”

Sarah looked at him for a moment; he wasn’t going to relent she could see it in his face. She ran around the back of the car and got inside the front soaking wet. They drove out of the parking lot and headed to the marina, the rain letting up moments after they did.

Linden pulled out her phone and dialed Regi but it went straight to voicemail, “Hi, Regi. Look, I’m sorry to bother you, but I need to know if Jack is with you or if you’ve heard from him. Call me. Thanks.” She closed the phone, and pulled out Jack’s phone from her pocket trying to see if she could get something off of it. She could feel Holder’s eyes on her, “It’s Jack’s.” She explained, “He left it in the room.”

“Don’t be calling his friends. I mean, that’s the last thing he needs now is his moms crazy dialing.”

Linden wasn’t listening, she couldn’t unlock the phone and was frustrated, “It’s got a passcode. Damn it.” She tried to think of what he could possible have used as a password to lock his phone.

“So, why you staying at a motel? Regi finally boot you out?”

Linden didn’t look up from Jack’s phone, she wasn’t going to share details of her private life no matter how much Holder pried. “Looks like it, doesn’t it?”

“So, Regi’s Jack’s dad?”

Linden looked up—frankly she did find that slightly amusing—barely glanced at Holder and looked back down. “Regi’s a she.”

“Ohh. She your moms?” He really needed to stop talking. Linden still worked on Jack’s phone. “Why you call your moms by her first name?”

Linden looked up checking to see where they were, she pointed, “Take a right here.”

“I know. I been here before, Linden.”

She moved her hand to indicate switching lanes, “Then you got to move over, Holder.”

“W—I am. I am. Damn!”

Neither of them spoke for a moment, the only sounds were the radio chatter and the sound of the pavements underneath the tires. Linden, giving up on the phone, put her elbow on the door and her hand to her forehead. She needed to find her kid. A festering ball of fear was forming, and she didn’t want it.

“See, me and my moms,” Holder said, because apparently he wanted to share and keep talking. “it’s like… see ya when I see ya.” He looked over at her for a moment before looking back at the road. “But Liz, my sister… I mean, she’s the one that really raised me. I-It sounds like you and Regi don’t get along too good neither, huh?”

“ _Attempted abduction of a minor at Clearview Elementary”_ Linden looked to the radio, _“at the corner of Jones and Fairview. Suspect’s in a green Toyota Tercel. Liscense plate number RVZ-4897._ ”

Linden turned the police radio back down, the fear increasing. She couldn’t just sit there, she needed to be doing something to try to find Jack.

She opened her cell phone dialing, anxiously waiting for someone to pick up, but once again it went to voicemail. “Hi, Anna. It’s Sarah Linden calling, Jack’s mom. Look, I know this is kind of a strange question, but I was wondering if Jack might be hanging out at your house with Nash. Um, could you call me, please? Thank-you.” She closed the phone looking of out the window, it had been a long shot but at least she hadn’t just been sitting on her ass. Turning to look at Holder she said, “It’s Jack’s best friend.”

“So, why’d your moms kick you out of her canoe?”

Sarah didn’t answer, her elbow back on the door hand rubbing her mouth before she used her hand to prop her head on. Holder pried too much. She didn’t think she could be more clear about the fact that this was not a time to get to know her. In fact, there would never be such a time.

Finally, they got to the marina. “Take a right here. The slip’s down the next dock.” She instructed. Holder pulled up right to the curb, and Sarah practically ran from the car. “I’ll be back, wait here.” He had started to say something, but she was gone.

Linden walked down the slip and onto the dock. It didn’t take her long to realize Regi’s boat wasn’t there. That didn’t necessarily mean anything though. Maybe she had taken Jack out onto the water. The owner of the boat adjacent to Regi’s came out onto his deck. Sarah has seen him a few times when she had still been staying with Regi.

“Excuse me?” She called. The man turned and Linden gave a small wave, “I was wondering if you knew where Regi was?”

The man seemed to recognize her, “San Juan Islands, she left this morning.”

Linden’s heart sank. A boat ride was one thing, but Regi wouldn't take Jack to islands without letting her know. Come to think of it, Regi wouldn’t take Jack without letting her know. She should have realized that sooner. But she hadn’t been thinking had she? She had just been looking for a solution, an answer. She wanted to know where Jack was.

“Thanks.” She called feebly to the neighbor, and turned around walking back up the dock. She dialed Anna again, and heard Holder call “Yo, where’s the boat?”

Ignoring him, she waited as the phone rang. Voicemail again. “Hi Anna its Sarah again. Please call me as soon as you get this. Thanks.” She closed the phone walking back up the docks.

“Where’s Regi at?” Holder called.

“San Juan Islands.” Linden said, a hint of desperation in her tone. “Won’t be back till next Friday. Neighbor said she left this morning.”

“So maybe Jack went with her.” Said Holder.

“She wouldn’t just…take him and not tell me.” He didn’t understand. This wasn’t a goddamn case, he couldn’t just bounce theories off with her. This was her kid, her son. Her Jack. She knew him. She knew the circumstances.

“You know, people do crazy-ass things, you know?”

Linden scoffed and shook her head, her phone rang and she put it to her ear without looking at the caller ID. “Linden here.”

“ _Hi, it’s Anna. I got your messages._ ”

Some relief, maybe some answers. She took the call walking down the dock. “Hi, Anna. Thanks so much for calling me back. Um, sorry to bug you, but I got a call from the school. They said Jack wasn’t there, and I thought that maybe he and Nash were together?”

“ _No, I’m sorry, I haven’t seen Jack all day._ ” Linden nodded deflating, “ _And I’ve actually been meaning to call you about him._ ”

“Okay.” Linden turned, and paced the other way. “What is it?”

“ _I caught Nash cutting class the other day, down near the waterfront with a bunch of boys, at this place called The Tunnel. Apparently, Jack’s their ringleader, encouraging them to do this kind of stuff._ ”

Really? The woman’s going to put this all on Jack? Take some responsibility for your own damn kids. Linden certainly did. She shook her head and fought the urge to scoff, “Look, I’m sorry that Jack is involved, but these kids are making bad decisions, too. It’s not just my son.”

“ _Sarah, I don’t want to fight. I understand you’re going through some…things._ ” The comment stung. Linden let it roll over her though, let it go. “ _Look, I just don’t want my son to hang out with Jack anymore._ ” Sarah nodded, her wisps of red hair blowing in the wind. “ _I’m sorry._ ”

“I appreciate your candor.” Linden said eerily calm.

“ _Bye, Sarah._ ”

Linden closed her phone and looked out over the water. She didn’t have the luxury of time to deal with the emotions that were bubbling within her. She had to stay calm, and she had to find Jack. Then, once she was alone and there were no prying eyes around, she would deal with the emotions. It’s what she had always done.

She turned and walked back up the dock, Holder was only a few feet away smoking a cigarette. The itch and longing for the nicotine started to itch at her, it would probably calm her. But no. “Do you know any spots near the waterfront where kids would hang out? Some place called The Tunnel?” She asked him, the call to Anna had at least yielded that result.

Holder looked away, like he was thinking, then back to her. “Yeah.” He said walking back up the dock with her and gesturing with his hand in a ‘follow me’ movement. “I’ll take you.”

They walked side by side going back to the car as Holder smoked. The need to do something more still clawed at Linden. “Let me have the keys.” she said, “I’ll drive.” She held out her hand and off of Holder’s far too amused look as he reached into his pocket to retrieve the keys she said “You drive too slow Holder. Give them to me.”

He chuckled and placed the keys into her hand. She started to walk ahead to the car, behind her she heard Holder call. “‘Hey, thanks for staying Stephen.’ Hey, you’re welcome, Sarah. You know, that’s what friends are for, yo.”

They got back into the car and Linden got behind the wheel adjusting the seat as Holder slid into his. Then she started the engine and they drove away. As Holder gave her directions it began to rain again. The place wasn’t too far away, as they were already near the water.

“I’m sure lil’ man’s fine. Just chillin’ with his homies.” Said Holder. “I was a bit of a rebel myself ya know. It’s right over there, take a right and go around.”

The Tunnel was a dank and frankly disgusting looking area underneath a bridge by the waterfront. Trash and graffiti littered the area that Linden saw as the car pulled up.

“I mean, I skipped out of school all the time when I was his age. He’ll turn up.” He continued.

Linden turned the car off and tried to see to the end of the tunnel like structure, to see if anyone was there, but there wasn’t. “What is this place?” She asked.

“It’s hooky central,” Said Holder, “for the middle-school set.” She looked over to him and he turned to her, “Smoking cigs, making out—you know, small time.”

Linden turned back towards the tunnel.

“What about Mr. Sonoma? Maybe Jack called him, told him where he was going.”

Rick. As much as she wished his relationship with Jack would be close and well... fatherly, it wasn’t. Jack didn’t like Rick. Almost despised him, well actually he might just fully despise him. Jack didn’t want to go to Sonoma, and they were going to Sonoma because of Rick. Linden looked down and gave a shake of her head, grabbing her nicotine gum. “No I don’t think so.” She looked back up popped the gum into her mouth.

After a beat Holder asked, “What about his real dad? They still tight?”

No, they weren’t even going to scratch the surface of that topic. “Holder, enough with the 20 questions.” She looked straight ahead, chewing. She turned to him, “Why’d you run off?”

Holder was staring at his hand up in front of his face, “Used to think it was—I don’t know—‘cause I was mistreated, pissed off, “poor me,” blah blah blah, but…” his wrist bent, his eyes now staring ahead as well “sometimes I think you just run away just so someone will come looking for you.” Linden didn’t like the understanding and relatable emotion she felt register in her brain. Wanting to know someone cared enough about you. Linden understood that. Or she once did. A long time ago, before she gave up on such wants. She turned back to the front, “Staying put is a kind of running away. You know what I’m saying?” He said.

“I usually have no idea, and this time is no different.” What was he saying?

“Sonoma? Come on.”

She turned to look at him, “You are a true sage.” She looked back to the front, “Real astute observer of human nature.” Back to him, “You ever think of writing a book?”

Holder chuckled, “I did. It’s called… “How to be Me.” He put a cigarette in his mouth as he spoke, “I’ll get my peeps to send you a signed copy.” Linden looked back out. This guy.

“I’m sure it gave Deepak Chopra a run for his money.”

“Oh, snap! Linden’s making a joke!” He chuckled, she heard the lighter click and looked over to see him lighting the cig.

Oh, that nicotine... “Do you mind?”

As Holder exhaled he looked at her then the cig, “What—do—do you want one?”

Linden rolled her eyes and looked out the front again. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Holder get out of the car groaning and close the door. His groan annoyed her, she had looked over at him again before closing her eyes and taking a breath looking back out the front.

Looking in the backseat she saw a flower basket with a stuffed white bear and a balloon that read “Feel Better”. A small pang of guilt hit her, Holder clearly had somewhere to be. That’s why he had been checking his phone. She pulled out her phone and Holder got back into the car.

“If you got somewhere to go, I can get a cab back to the station.”

“Nah. I’m good for now.”

Linden continued to press on the phone phone then looked up, “You know someone who’s sick?” She went back to the phone, trying to

“Nah, it’s—I-I got a date.”

“A date?” She asked giving him a brief look. “You might want to get rid of that balloon then.”

“Yeah, yeah. I—I was gonna do that.” He put the balloon on the floor of the backseat and looked at her, “What? It cost like 20 bucks.”

Linden chuckled, “I never would have guessed.”

“Whatever. It’s the gesture that counts.” He pointed down at the gift “You ladies dig this kind of thing. Admit it.” He sat further back in the seat grinning “Admit it!”

“So, go. Get laid. I’ll find a ride.” Holder already done enough for her today. Not that she would admit it.

“She can wait.” He said, “I mean, who wouldn’t wait for this slice of heaven?” He chuckled.

Linden wasn’t listening anymore though. A group of kids was making their way down the hill at the opposite end of the tunnel. She sat up straighter, watching as they walked to the entrance. She threw open the door of the car, and climbed out closing it behind her heading straight for the kids. She heard Holder doing the same.

There were 6 of them, 2 of them had skateboards, the others stood around by the grimy walls. 5 other weren’t Jack, she couldn’t see the 6th on the skateboard so that had to be him. Linden fast walked to them,

“Jack!” She called, “Jack!” A kid with a cig in his mouth turned around standing up to look at her, not Jack. She stopped short. Then taking a few steps forward said “Do you know Jack Linden?” No one answered. “Any of you?” They just stared at her then looked at each other smirking, typical teen rebel stuff. “Do you go to Waverly Middle School?”

“What’s it to you?” Asked the smoking skateboarder.

“Hey, you watch your mouth, son.” Holder said to the kid walking up to him. “Let’s get out of here, Linden. These kids are punks.”

Linden turned to go back to the car, this wasn’t working. This trip had been a waste where the hell was her kid. She was fraying at the edges now in addition to the festering in her chest that was growing. Dear god, these fucking emotions... she needed to reel herself in.

Then she heard the kid behind her say, “Crazy bitch.”

Oh no. She turned, “What did you say to me?”

“I said… bitch, be gone.”

Suddenly Linden got up right close to the kid and grabbed him by the front of his jacket, forcing him to step back and pulling him in so she could get right in his face. She spoke in a harsh angry tone, “You want to go to juvie until you’re 18 years old, you keep mouthing off like that!” She threw the kid away from her. She still didn’t where Jack was.

“Linden, chill.” She turned and looked at Holder who had raised a hand in an effort to calm her. “Chill.”

Linden headed back up the tunnel. Behind her the kid yelled, “I’m gonna call the cops, freaks.”

“Hey, we are the cops, ass wipe.” Holder answered. “Yo.” Linden heard Holder catching up to her. “Maybe he’s back at the motel. We should head back.”

“He’s not I called.”

“You want to bet your moms took him with her on her boat?”

Not her mom. “Regi didn’t take him, Holder.”

“You know, moms be doing crazy-ass things, you know? They think they know best, and—”

He really needed to stop saying Regi was her mom. “She’s not my mother.”

“Then, who is she, your spinster aunt or what?”

Finally, Linden stopped. A little emotional, and out of the desire to stop being berated by the questions—so she could focus on Jack—her shell cracked just a little bit. She turned slightly to Holder, not facing him all the way. “She’s my social worker, okay?” She met his eyes for a moments before looking away, “I’ve known her my whole life so she wouldn’t take my kid and not tell me.” She headed back to the car.

Why the fuck had she just told him that?

When she sat behind the wheel, she put the key in the ignition and froze, thinking. The growing fear was clawing at her throat. She tried to think of where to look. Holder ducked into the car and she could feel his eyes on her.

“Where we goin’?” He asked.

“I...” she paused. There were only so many places she could look. She turned the key turning the engine over. “I can try a few different, um, places.”

They didn’t talk after that. She drove to a downtown area she had frequented with Jack before, parking at the curb and getting out of the car. She took out her wallet and retrieved a picture of Jack from a few years ago; they had gone out to eat together and she had snapped the photo. He hadn’t been very amused, but she it was a fond memory so she had held onto the photo and carried it with her everywhere she went.

She walked by a few storefronts, flashing the photo asking people “Have you seen this boy around here today?” with nil results. There was someone standing outside of a store, and walked up to him, showed him the picture. The man shook his head and handed back the picture, Linden gave him a small smile of thanks before turning away. Holder stood a few feet ahead, pacing and waiting for her.

She drove to the skate park next, she and Holder still didn’t talk. Linden showed the picture to each of the kids in the skatepark, but each one of them shook their heads. They hadn’t seen Jack. She turned and put the picture back into her wallet as she walked back to the car where Holder was leaning against the hood.

Her restlessness was reaching a breaking point. She didn’t know how much longer she could hold out. When they got back in the car, Holder had looked at her as she tried to compose herself.

“You eat today?” He asked.

She didn’t reply, and drove off. He didn’t try to talk to her again. She drove up to Jack’s favorite skate shop, and asked around. Linden showed the picture to a guy outside of the shop, but he too shook his head and handed the picture back to her. She turned around and opened her wallet putting the picture back inside as she walked to the car. She shook her head slightly and got back behind the wheel, frustrated and scared. She checked the time on her watch and then looked forward.

“He knows he’s got to call at 3:15…. After school, from the motel.” He needed to call. She needed him to call.

“He’ll call.” Said Holder. She just nodded. “We should get some food.” She turned to look at him and he looked back at her.

“Where?” She asked.

Holder looked around, “There’s a joint a few blocks away. Standard fast food. Should be good.”

He gave her directions and soon they pulled into the parking lot of Cowboy Bob’s Burgers. They went inside, and there was no line. Linden stood with her hands in her pockets shifting from foot to foot, slightly impatient. Holder was staring up at the menu behind the counter and speaking to the lady behind the register.

“All right, give me a double-cheese filet-o-fish, two large fries, a hamburger—extra mayo, and hold the patty.” He tapped the counter to finish it off.

The lady taking his order froze, Linden tilted her head with a knowing look. “Hold the what?” The lady asked.

“The patty. The meat.” Holder said as if this was a no brainer.

“You want a hamburger without the meat?”

“That’s what I said, ain’t it?”

The woman looked over at Linden, who just nodded as she continued to shift. “I’ll take a coffee, black.” She said. She took out her wallet as the woman walked away, “What’s the point?” She directed the question to Holder. She started to count the bills.

“I’m a vegetarian.” He said, almost confused.

“Who eats pork rinds?” Linden said looking up at him.

“That’ll be $19.46.” The woman said as she brought over a tray with their drinks.

“Pork rinds are junk food. Don’t count.” Holder said as Linden held out the bills for the woman. He pushed her hand away taking out his own money, “No. I got it.” He counted his bills and then looked at hers, counting and taking a few of them much to her amusement.

A few minutes later the woman brought the food on a tray and Linden and Holder went to go sit by a window.

“You can’t be a vegetarian and eat meat.” Said Linden, “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Everything makes sense. Depends on how you perceive it.”

Linden fought not to roll her eyes, “Oh, yes—“perception is circumstantial.” I didn’t forget that nugget.”

Holder chewed and swallowed, “Let me break it down for ya.”

“Can’t wait.”

“My body’s my temple, right?” He gestured to himself still holding his burger in his left hand, “But here…” he pointed to his head “is the control tower. See, people be wanting to put everything in a box, get spoon-fed the answers, you know, make everything black-and-wihte. But me…” He scoffed and made a motion with his hand she didn’t quite understand “…I see the grays.” He picked up his drink and took a sip, nodding.

Linden looked away, fighting hard not to roll her eyes before looking back to him. “Is Jesus Christ your savior, Holder?”

“Ha ha.”

“Seriously. What’s with the tat?” Sarah picked up her coffee. She had wondered about the tattoo ever since the first day she had seen it. Holder didn’t exactly come across as the religious type. He was too rough around the edges. Or so she had though.

“J.C., Buddha, lactose-ovo vegetarianism—I mean, it all—look, wisdoms all around, Linden.” He said his hands moving out “It’s like air. You just got to breathe it.”

He took another sip of his drink and she put hers down too. Holder had a lot more depth to him then he had led her on to believe. “Did you get the tat when you got clean?”

Holder huffed a laugh, eating fries with his burger now. He dipped the fry in some ketchup before looking back at Linden, “A month in.” He ate the fry and grabbed his drink, “I got hooked on the job”. He chuckled.

Linden nodded, “Undercover. It makes sense. You got to blend in.”

“No. No, no, no.” He shook his head, “Nobody put that pipe in my mouth except me.” He looked down and waved his hand in a circle, “Truth is… I love meth.” He chuckled, his fingers rubbed together. He looked back at Linden “Love that Kristy.” He huffed a laugh again, Linden gave him a very small smile. “It’s the best little lady I ever had.”

“So, why’d you break up with her?”

He picked up his drink again, “My L.T. found out. Said he’d boot me out of county if I didn’t quit, so here I am. Happy, joyous, and free.” They stared at each other for a beat before they both chuckled, a genuine smile coming to her lips. “I finally let go, you know?”

“Let go?”

“Of thinking that I had any sort of control, that I ain’t the one in the driver’s seat.”

“Then who is? Please don’t say God.” Her eyebrows scrunched slightly as she said it.

“I mean, whatever you want to call it—more powerful than this tweakhead.” He took another sip of his drink.

Linden raised her eyebrows and shrugged as if to say fair enough. “Good for you.” She looked at him, “It does not apply elsewhere in life, but I’m glad that you got clean.” She looked down before looking back to him, “We make choices to fix our mistakes or we don’t. You did. And if you want to credit that to Christ or that hamburger, you made it.”

He put the drink down, “Can’t.” He said “Some things you—you can’t fix.” He picked up his burger, “Maybe they just stay broke.”

“Right.” She huffed looking out the window briefly. She leaned back in the booth and put an arm up to rest on the top of it, “Let the bad guys do their thing. Screw it. Let’s take our pension and run. What the hell are we doing here?”

Holder looked at her, holding his burger. He licked his hand and looked away before he looked back, “Last real job you had… was the Picasso, right? The kid who drew those trees?” She blinked and a tight lipped smile grew on her face. “Yeah, I did my research, Linden. You never told me what happened to him.”

She shook her head and looked away, “Got the guy who killed his mother. So what?” She looked back at him.

“No, what happened to the kid, Linden?”

She stretched out her arm further on the booth looking at it, and took a breath not looking at Holder. He had just shared something incredibly personal with her. Trusted her enough with that part of his life. So, maybe, just maybe... yeah okay. She grant tell this. “His dad was the doer, mom is dead. I put the dad in 20 to life, so…”. The pitch of her voice raised just a bit, “The kid didn’t have anywhere to go.” She looked at Holder. “Child protective services took him.” She looked down, “He’s still in the system, last I heard, and he probably will be until he’s 18.” Scoffing and shaking her head she continued, “Nobody’s gonna adopt him. He’s damaged goods.” Sarah should know. She had been damaged goods. She looked back at Holder. After a beat she said “That’s what happened to the kid.” Holder sat there looking at her, she couldn’t take it, couldn’t take the look on his face boring into her soul. She looked down, “Are you done yet?” When she looked back up he hadn’t moved and was still staring at her with that expression. Cut it off. Quickly she moved out of the booth, “I got to go to the bathroom.”

She walked briskly into the dingy bathroom and headed straight for the sink. Turning the cold water tap she watched as the liquid splashed into the basin. Bending forward, she cupped her hands to catch the liquid and splashed the water on her face, the picture Adrian Seward had drawn burned in her eyes. Gasping for air she looked up at her reflection.

An overwhelming sense of emotion threatened to overtake her. She didn’t know if it was because of Jack or Seward. Frankly, she didn’t want to know. Not for the first time that day, she loathed the fact that her emotions were welling up, working against her. Bury it down. Handle it later. Focus.

Linden walked out of the restaurant to find Holder leaning against his car, and smoking a cigarette. He looked up and saw her,

“Hey, I got into his phone.”

“What? How?”

“Figured out his password.” He said grinning, “‘Funyuns’.” He chuckled and handed the phone to her as she gave him a knowing look, before immediately looking into the phone. “I mean, I ain’t so bad, Linden. I mean, the kid needs a role model in his life.”

She looked back at him for a moment, “Well, I’m glad he has you since I clearly suck at the job.” She walked around the hood of the car.

“Well, you ain’t the worst out there.”

She looked up at him, “Oh, thanks for that.” She looked back down at the phone.

Holder pushed off of the car and blew out a cloud of smoke, “Boys need their fathers, you know? Mr. Sonoma—he ain’t cutting it no more?”

Linden had went to his texts, and saw something that made her heart stop. “What is this?”

“What?”

“These texts. There’s three of them since yesterday about meeting up with Jack.” She paused, looking deeper into the phone, “I’m parked at the corner of Van Dam and 7th.” That’s right by Waverly, Jack’s school.” The pitch of her voice raised just a little.

“Who sent ‘em?”

A little desperate now, “I don’t know. It’s a—it’s a restricted number.” Chiding herself, “It was sent at 7:00 this morning. That’s right when we left the motel.” She looked up, her forehead scrunched in worry her lips slightly apart. He’d been right there.

Quickly she dialed the phone company and paced. She explained the situation thinking they would be reasonable, only to be stonewalled by a very calm and patient customer service representative.

“He’s 13 years old.” She continued to pace as her voice rose, “Well, I don’t care about your privacy regulations! 72 hours?! I can’t wait that long! I—I need that—that phone unblocked right now!” She snapped the phone shut, and after a moment stormed back to the car slamming her door.

Holder spoke softly, “So, what’d the phone company say?”

“Nothing. Bullshit!” As if he couldn’t tell from what he had undoubtedly overheard. A slight tremble in her voice, she turned to him. “Give me a cigarette.”

“For real?”

“Just give it to me.”

Holder reached into his pocket and took out the cigs and lighter handing her one. She put it in her mouth and he tried to light it for her but she grabbed the lit lighter of his hands striking it herself and lighting the stick. Did he think she needed his help? That she was weak? Because she didn’t.

She inhaled deeply and blew out the smoke, her fingers fidgeting as the held the cig. She was restless, nervous, and scared. Turning back to look at him, “You get in touch with any of his friends?” She asked, her voice calmer than before but still with the desperate tone, the nicotine doing her wonders.

“No.” He said and she turned away. “All the phones are bumping to voicemail. T—they’re probably in school and they got their phones in their lockers or whatnot.”

Her fingers tightened around the cig, “He knows better than that. He’d never get in the car with a stranger.” She breathed in the cig again.

“Yeah, of course not.”

“He’s just been so angry with me.” She put her arm down and closed her eyes, taking a breath. She put her arm back up, her fingers moving again. “I must have driven right past the guy. I probably saw him.”

Had she been so blind? She knew, she knew Jack had been struggling. Things hadn’t been easy, and he was unhappy. He’d been acting out, complaining, but surely no matter how upset he was he wouldn’t j-just “hook up” with a stranger (for lack of a better term.). Except apparently... he would. He had.

Holder didn’t say anything. Linden opened the car door and went back outside closing the door behind her and walking a few feet away still smoking on the cig. She tried to breathe, to think, to calm herself down. She put the cig in her left hand, took her phone out of her pocket, and speed dialed, putting the phone on her left side, squeezing it to her ear with her shoulder so she could switch the cigarette back to the right and hold the phone with her left.

“It’s Detective Sarah Linden. I, um, I need an A.P.B. out on a missing 13-year-old.” Her voice almost cracked when she said it.

“ _Please proceed with the description._ ”

“5’2” and a half… 117 pounds… Brown hair, green eyes.”

“ _A.P.B. is being issued._ ”

Linden closed the phone and put the cigarette on the ground rubbing her foot on it to ensure it was out. Then she turned and walked back to the car putting her phone back into her pocket.

Holder was behind the wheel again. Linden didn’t say anything about it.

“He’s supposed to be back at the motel by 3:30.” She said calmly.

Holder nodded, “Alright.” He pulled out of the parking lot.

The car ride was tense, and silent. It was raining again by the time they got back to the motel and Holder pulled into a parking space.

“He knows he’s got to be here at 3:30 on the dot.” Said Sarah.

“I’ll be out here if you need me.” Holder said.

She got out of the car and ran to their room. She opened the door slowly, almost afraid to see what was inside. Immediately it was clear Jack wasn’t there. She stepped further in and looked around though, because she had to. Just had to. She needed to know where he was. Find him. She stood in the room and closed her eyes willing for her son to be there, to be alright. She turned to her right and looked at the empty bowls from breakfast. Then turned and left the room.

She went back to the car, she didn’t run. The pouring rain soaking her running clothes, and drenching her hair. Defeated. She sat next to Holder and he sighed, she just looked straight ahead.

“You want to stay?” Holder asked. “Wait for him?” Linden just nodded pressing her lips together, her chin trembled a little. She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. “I’m just gonna go make a call.”

Linden didn’t look at him, her eyes still shut. She heard his door open and close. She needed her son back, needed to know he was okay. It had always been the two of them, ever since her ex left them 10 years ago. It’d been her and Jack, against the world. Jack was her world. She had raised him on her own, watching him grow from a tiny squelching infant, to the boy he now was today. And yeah, that came with hardships. With conflicts, fights, and head butting. But it also came with memories, special memories, and moments, and a love that could never be put into words. Her son... he was part of her. An extension of herself. If something happened...

She opened her eyes. Fighting not to think anymore. She saw Holder coming back and he got inside the car.

“Is everything okay?” She asked him softly, turning her head slightly to him.

“Yeah.”

She looked straight ahead. And after a moment said “Thanks, Holder. For being my ride.” She turned her head to look at him and saw that he had turned to look at her too. She truly was grateful.

He looked down, “Yeah, well… it ain’t no thing.”

After another beat Linden looked straight and neither of them spoke again. It was sometime later that Holder fell asleep. Linden had tried to doze but with no such luck. When the rain stopped she grabbed a cigarette from Holder’s pack, lit it, and went outside to smoke. Linden leaned against the motel smoking, she heard Holder getting out of the car behind her.

“What time is it?” He asked.

“5:10.”

“You want to go inside?”

She put down the cigarette, “He’s not there.” Raised it back up to her lips. Holder sighed beside her. Linden put her cig on the ground and stepped on it. “Let’s go.” She turned and looked up at him as he looked down at her. She went back to the car

“Where we goin’?” Asked Holder.

“I’ll give you directions. C’mon Holder Just... just drive.”

Linden gave him directions, avoiding the main roads and traffic. She looked out the window, her face set in a soft scowl, her arm resting on the door. She turned to the front, “Uh, go down Mantura. You’ll hit a one-way. Take a left. And then avoid the bottleneck on Kennedy in front of the Dunkin’ Donuts.”

“You grow up around here?”

She looked back out the window, her hand fidgeting as she talked, “9th grade to 11th.” Back to the front, restless “Senior year in Beacon Hill… Middle School in Queen Anne before the yuppies moved in… and six months in Northgate—2nd grade.”

“They all foster homes?”

Linden nodded. “You know what the worst thing was? Bedrooms. Not knowing where the window was, the door… the light switch.” She smacked her lips. “That damn thing was always in a different place.” It wasn’t lost on her that Holder didn’t need to be here. That he had stayed, helped. Maybe that was why she finally decided to share something more personal. But the sharing, it was uncomfortable. She didn’t like doing it. She took Jack’s phone from the dash and tried seeing if there were any messages,

“What happened to your moms?”

“She left when I was 5. I was a ward of the state till I graduated high school.” She said without looking up.

“So no wonder you ain’t a pro.” Her head snapped up to look at him. Had he really just said that? He looked at her briefly, “Uh, being a moms, I mean.”

“Wow. You’re a real dick sometimes, you know that?” She shook her head and looked back at the phone. She was back into looking at Jack’s texts.

“What? What? I—I’m just saying you didn’t have the blueprint. You know? It’s like cats. You know, I-if they don’t get raised by their moms, they don’t learn how to bury their caca right.” She turned and scowled at him, “You know—what? It’s true.” She didn’t say a word, and just scowled at him. What? You—you— y-you want a smoke o-or something? W-what?”

“He called you. Jack. Two days ago.”

“Yeah. Yeah, but h-he was trying to reach you. But you weren’t picking up. So what?”

“And you didn’t bother to tell me?”

“He was wondering if you boil hot dogs or fry ‘em. You weren’t around. Regi wasn’t around. What’s the big deal?”

Her son had gone to Holder. Holder. It annoyed her, it frustrated, even angered her.

“So he went to the vegetarian Jesus freak for cooking advice?” She looked straight ahead.

“Yeah. Whatever. I picked up my phone.”

Did he really just say that? To her?

Her head snapped and looked at him again. “Excuse me?”

“I picked up my phone.”

“Stop the car.”

“What?”

“I don’t need you carting me around. Let me out.”

“Quit acting crazy.”

“Stop the damn car!”

The tires screeched and the car lurched to a stop. Linden got out and slammed the door behind her walking at a brisk pace. She took out her nicotine gum and got a piece popping it into her mouth.

Fuck him. The little trust that had started to build had evaporated as quickly as it had come. She never should have stayed with him, should have sent him on his merry way to go get a good fuck in bed. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone.

She heard the engine rev and tires screech behind her, Holder pulled the car up next to her, keeping up at her pace.

“Get in the car, Linden.” She spat the gum out in the direction of the car. “Come on. Get in the car.”

“You’re an asshole!” She turned and yelled at him.

“Yeah, well, so are you!”

She waved an arm at him, her voice had become slightly frantic “You don’t know anything about me or my son or anything!”

“I know I don’t.” Linden didn’t reply. “Get in the car, Linden! I—I’m sorry.” She was slowing down just a little, “Please get in the car.” She came to a stop and so did he.

She didn’t look at him, she shook her head and looked up. She closed her eyes and slowly, finally, turned back to the car. She made her way the the vehicle at a snail’s pace, and got back inside. She didn’t look at him, and neither of them spoke. She saw that he offered her a cigarette, a peace offering. She took it and stuck it in her mouth. A moment later the lit light was being held out for her and she cupped her hand as she allowed him to light her cig. She inhaled and hung her arm out of the window. He huffed a laugh and she looked over at him before looking away and stick the cig back in her mouth.

“Where to, boss?” He asked around the cig in his mouth. She gestured with her hands for him to go forward.

She had tried to push him away, and he had stayed. That was new.

The sun had set, as they pulled into the parking lot of the park. Ahead was a playground, visible only because of the moonlight. Linden stared at the slide longingly.

“What are we doing here?” Asked Holder.

She stared at the playground, and spoke in a soft voice. “I used to bring him here when he was little. On weekends, when I was off, I would watch him go down that slide over and over for hours. There was this one night. We got here late. It was almost dark. All the other kids had gone home. And there was this song playing. Somebody brought a radio out to the park. What was that song?” She closed her eyes as she tried to remember, “Hmm, I got your love… And I got…”. Both of the chuckled, and she shook her head smiling as she opened her eyes. “Some song that he loved. And we just started dancing.” She heard Holder chuckle again, the smile hadn’t left her face. “There we were, the two of us, dancing like fools, not caring if anybody saw.” Her smile melted away, her eyes teary. Her voice was husky, “I don’t know when that changed… Jack being happy. But he was. I know he was, that night, right here. My son was happy.” Her chin trembled, her eyes were still glued to the slide.

Sarah didn’t know how much time passed as they sat there in the car, she couldn’t think of anywhere else to look. Holder had turned it off, to save gas. Her elbows were bent on her knees and her hands were clasped together and supported her head with her eyes closed.

Suddenly, the police radio came to life:

“ _CS unit needed down at 3012 Leverage Street. Body of an unidentified caucasian male—_ ” Linden slowly lifted her head, “ _10 to 13 years of age, 5’3”, 110 pounds, brown hair. Coroner’s en route._ ” Sarah’s heart bottomed out, an incredible horrible feeling sank into her heart, and spread through her blood vessels and veins overtaking her entire body. Her hand went to the radio, “ _We need two more units on scene._ ”

“It’s not him” she heard Holder say.

“3012 Leverage Street.”

“You don’t need to be there.”

“Go. Please.”

Holder turned the car on and Linden put on her seatbelt. He pulled out and ran the siren as they drove away.

Neither of them spoke on the drive. She could occasionally feel Holder sending glances her way, but she didn’t acknowledge him.

Jack. Her baby boy.

They pulled up to a scene underneath a bridge. 3 units were already there, the crime scene tape shaking in the wind. Linden got out of the car, Holder right behind her.

“Where is he?” She called.

“Linden!” Holder was going to try to stop her, and she wouldn’t let him. It that was Jack if that was her son...

She ran towards the tape, the cops confused raised their hands “Detective Linden? You the catching detective?”

She ignored them, “Where is he?!”

Behind her she heard Holder yell, “Don’t let her through!”

The cops feebly attempted to block her, confused as to why they would be stopping one of their own.

“Get away from me!”

“Don’t let her— Linden, st—”

She dodged the cops, and ran under the tape. Holder trying to catch up to her.

She ran forward and stopped. She saw the body, a small form covered in tarp, she couldn’t see the face. Holder was behind her now, his hand went to her arm. She stood there, fearing the worst. Jack, that was Jack. It was Jack. She watched the coroner walk around the boy.

“Let’s get back to the car.” Holder tried to take her.

“I just need to see him.” She insisted and started to walk forward.

“No, you don’t need to see.” He grabbed her arms, and she reacted violently her arms swinging out. Her son, her only son, the light of her life... lying dead mere feet away, and she had let it happen. Dear god. Jack. Jack. “Come on, get back in—”

“Get off of me!” She spoke in a feral growl and yelled, “Jack!” She fought as hard as she could. If that was Jack she couldn’t leave him alone. She needed to be with him. He had died here, in this abysmal place and she had let it happen. She was his mom, she was supposed to protect him. She was all he had, and he was all she had.

“It’s not him Linden!” Holder grabbed her around the waist as she fought to free herself. “It’s not him!”

“Jack! Jack! Ugh! Let me go!” His grip was iron, her legs kicked up into the air, her arms flailed.

“We’ve got an I.D. on John Doe.” Linden froze, bending forward, Holder still gripping her. She looked up waiting. “Please stand by for an I.D. on the victim.” Slowly she stood up, looking at the lifeless form before her. She took a few steps forward. “We’ve got positive identification on the victim as a one Daniel McClintock. M-c-c-l-i-n-t-o-c-k. First name, Daniel. Address is 549 Hastings Street, Aberdeen.” Linden turned and walked away. “Parents en route. Stand by.”

Sarah walked to a cement pillar of the bridge, put out a hand to steady herself and sobbed. Her hands moved against the cement as she cried and went to the ground leaning against the pillar. Her hand went to her face, covering her mouth and she shook and she sobbed. Both hands went to her face and she leaned forward as he sobs were so harsh her entire body shook with them. She rocked, and covered her face. Linden needed her son. Jack needed to be okay. The entire day weighed on her, the searching, the fear, the worry. It all came crashing down.

She felt Holder’s hand on her should and she shook her head, “No.” She cried, trying to regain control of herself. He shouldn’t be seeing her like this, so raw, so vulnerable. Her hand went to her throat, her breathing rough and heavy. She had stopped. She lowered her hand.

“Let’s go.” Holder said quietly.

She sniffed, and nodded. Slowly she stood up, and they walked back to the car.

There wasn’t anything else they could do.

“I’ll take you back to the motel.” Said Holder when they were settled in the car. Linden didn’t respond. He looked over and her and she was staring straight ahead, her eyes red and her face splotchy and wet. They started to drive and after a while he said, “It’s gonna be okay Linden.”

Sarah didn’t respond. She didn’t know whether or not she believed him. She wasn’t sure she knew anything in that moment except that her son was still missing.

Holder pulled into the parking space, slowly they both got out of the car and off of Linden’s quizzical look he said, “Imma head up with you, make sure you get settled is all.” She nodded her face remaining neutral. The walked into the motel, rode up the elevator, walked down the hallway, turned the corner and——

There he was. Jack was there, his back to them wearing his headphones and head banging to some music. They stood there for a moment looking at him. The relief slowly seeped into her as one would blow air into a balloon. Jack was there, he was okay. Alive. Her world remained intact.

“Kick his ass.” Said Holder.

Linden nodded, “No doubt.” She turned and looked at him, giving him a small smile. She didn’t know how she could’ve gotten through the day without Holder. He had really stepped up and pulled through for her. He had stayed. And helped her. Even tried to protect her when she thought she was looking at her baby boy lying on the cold hard cement, Holder had held her back so she wouldn’t see. He had earned some respect today, something that she did not grant easily.

Holder nodded at her and she walked down the hall to her son. She put a hand on his shoulder and stepped in front of him, removing his headphones and rubbing her hands over his head before embracing him. God, he was alive.

“Uh... mom?”

Sarah pulled away, her hands on Jack’s face, tears glistening in her eyes. “C’mon,” she said “let’s go inside.”

Once in the room Jack put down his things and Linden instructed him to sit on the bed. He knew he was in trouble, she knew he knew. She could see it on his face. But the thing was, even though she was angry, she was just so relieved he was alive and with her. She took off her coat and put it on the bed sitting next to him. Jack was fidgeting with his fingers looking down at them.

“I looked… Everywhere for you today.” Her voice cracked, “You have no idea what I went through.” She looked up at him, “Just tell me why.”

“Why what?”

“Why you’ve been lying to me.”

“I don’t know.”

She’d let it go for now. Part of her understood, even if she didn’t like the answer. “Where were you today?”

He looked at her, “Promise you won’t get mad?” She nodded, “I was with dad.”

She looked away her jaw clenched, her brows raised, before looking back at her son.

His dad? The father that abandoned the both of them, 10 years ago. No word for 10 years, no alimony, nothing and he suddenly thought he could waltz back into their lives, Jack’s life? How dare he. That man had some fucking nerve. There was no way he was ever getting near Jack again.

**Author's Note:**

> Character accuracy is something that is always of the utmost importance to me. For this story more so. It was super important to me that I got Linden’s frame of mind correct, Mireille Enos was absolutely phenomenal (she always is) and the internal struggle Sarah goes through in this episode is such a journey and I wanted to document it well.


End file.
